confession

3 hours talking in 2 rooms; more like chambers, small cubicles attached to each-other by a wall which had 2 square holes in it. Those square windows reminded me of a confession booth.

At the time, I was carrying a lot of feelings of shame and guilt which I felt like I couldn't shake; I also couldn't cry. I committed myself to sitting in one of the cubicles for 4 hours, and confessing everything that I felt guilty about, from misdemeanours in childhood, to struggling to consistently show up for friends. People were invited to sit in the other cubicle and share the space with me; it was their choice whether to make themselves visible or verbally engage. Some chose to stay hidden and whistle, some chose to watch at the windows silently, and some chose to speak to me.

I climbed through the lower window to the other cubicle around the 3 hour mark to comfort a crying friend, at which point I felt like the performance had been broken: I tried to continue after she left the space, but quickly gave up, because I couldn't shake the feeling of almost jealousy that I had towards her for being able to cry.

The video below is the only documentation that remains. I took the photographs after the performance, to try to document the space - records of cigarettes brought to me by friends and tissues used to wipe tears are visible, but I don't know how well the photographs capture the extremely oppressive feeling in the rooms. The entire building had previously been used as a medical facility for people with severe neurodivergency, and we were the first to enter it in 20 years. These rooms had been used to do their laundry.